"THE DAY I GOT KICKED OUT OF ORIENTATION"
YEARS AGO WHEN I WAS IN BETWEEN JOBS I ENDED UP GOING TO WORK FOR THIS COMPANY OUT OF INDY. WE WENT THROUGH ORIENTATION AT THE MOTEL ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE "PILOT" ON THE LOOP THERE AT EXIT 4. ON THE FIRST DAY OF ORENTATION AFTER A COUPLE HOURS THE CLASS GOT TO TAKE A SMOKE BREAK AND MOST OF THE DRIVERS WENT OUTSIDE EXCEPT FOR FIVE OR SIX OF US THAT WERE SITTING AT A TABLE TOWARDS THE BACK OF THE CLASS. THIS WAS A BIG ROOM IN THE MOTEL THAT HAD BEEN PARTITIONED OFF IN SECTIONS. WE WERE ALL SITTING THERE AT THE TABLE AND ALL THESE DRIVERS WERE FRESH OUT OF SCHOOL OR HAD NOT DROVE FOR VERY LONG AND I DECIDED TO HELP THEM OUT ON A FEW THINGS AND ALSO TELL THEM HOW TO SAVE SOME MONEY OUT THERE ON THE ROAD.
"JUST TRYING TO HELP THEM OUT A LITTLE BIT"
FIRST OF ALL I TOLD THEM THEY NEEDED TO CARRY CERTAIN THINGS IN THEIR TRUCK. I TOLD THEM ABOUT HIDEING THAT EXTRA KEY UNDER THE HOOD. I ALSO TOLD THEM THEY NEEDED TO GO AHEAD AND GET THEM SOME WINDEX, PAPER TOWELS, A CAR VAC, FLASH LIGHT, CAMERA, EXTRA PAIR OF GLOVES, VELCRO, AIR FRESHENER, LAUNDRY SOAP, MUNCHES, A CASE OF DRINKING WATER, JUICE, PLASTIC SPOONS & FORKS, SALT & PEPPER, CATSUP. MUSTARD, ETC. ETC. ETC. YOU KNOW JUST EVERYTHING YOU'RE GOING TO NEED WHEN YOU ARE GONNA BE LIVING IN THE TRUCK. I ALSO TOLD THEM IN THE WINTER TIME TO CARRY THEM A GALLON OF ''CLOROX'' AND A BAG OF "KITTY LITTER" IN THEIR SIDE BOX IN CASE THEY GET STUCK ON THE ICE OR SNOW SOMEWHERE. JUST POUR THAT CLOROX ON YOUR DRIVE TIRES AND YOU CAN USUALLY DRIVE RIGHT OFF. YOU CAN USE THE KITTY LITTER FOR EXTRA TRACTION. THEN I STARTED TO TELL THEM HOW TO SAVE SOME MONEY OUT THERE ON THE ROAD.
"NOW I WAS HAVING FUN AND JUST TRYING TO HELP THEM OUT A LITTLE".
NEXT I TOLD THEM THERE WERE CERTAIN THINGS YOU CAN GET FREE OUT ON THE ROAD.
GET YOUR PLASTIC SPOONS & FORKS FROM "WENDYS". THEY HAVE THE GOOD STURDY STUFF THAT IS INDIVIDUALLY WRAPPED. STOCK UP ON THESE.
GET YOUR SALT & PEPPER SHAKERS FROM "BURGER KING".
DON'T BUY PAPER TOWELS ANYMORE ONCE YOU GET STARTED . THE NEXT TIME YOU GO TO McDONALDS JUST TELL THEM YOU NEED A COUPLE OF EXTRA BAGS FOR TRASH. THEY WILL GIVE THEM TO YOU AND WHAT YOU DO IS DOUBLE THESE PAPER BAGS UP. THEN ROLL THE TOP DOWN A LITTLE BIT, NICE AND NEAT, AND SQUARE THEM OFF AND THEY MAKE A REAL GOOD "NAPKIN HOLDER". NEXT YOU GO TO THE NAPKIN DISPENSER AND OPEN IT UP. TAKE A HUGE STACK OF NAPKINS OUT AND LAY THEM FLAT INSIDE THE BAG TO WHERE YOU CAN JUST REACH IN THE BAG AND PULL THEM OUT ONE AFTER ANOTHER. ONCE YOU GET YOUR FIRST BAG STARTED, THEN JUST KEEP GETTING MORE NAPKINS EVERY TIME YOU GO TO McDONALDS. NEXT THING YOU KNOW YOUR BAG IS FULL ALL THE TIME. YOU NEED TO GET YOU TWO OF THESE. ONE FOR UP FRONT AND ONE FOR THE SLEEPER.
"AGAIN I'M JUST GIVING THESE GUYS SOME THINGS TO THINK ABOUT"!
NEXT THING YOU DO IS WHEN YOU GO TO WAL-MART AND CHECK OUT, GET YOU A COUPLE BUNDLES OF THOSE PLASTIC T-SHIRT BAGS THEY PUT YOUR STUFF IN WHEN YOU CHECK OUT. THESE COME IN BUNDLES OF 100. A TRASH CAN ON THE FLOOR TAKES UP TOO MUCH ROOM AND YOU JUST DON'T HAVE MUCH ROOM TO BEGIN WITH. AFTER YOU GET YOUR T-SHIRT BAGS YOU FIND YOU ONE OF THOSE "BLACK BUNGY CORDS'' AND TAKE THE HOOKS OFF OF EACH END. ( JUST FIND YOU A FLATBED AND YOU FOUND YOUR "BUNGY CORD" ). TAKE THE HOOKS OFF EACH END AND THEN YOU CAN HANG THE BAGS ON THE HOOKS AND THE HOOKS WILL HOOK OVER THE TOP OF YOUR CLOSET OR CABINET IN THE BACK OVER ON THE PASSENGER SIDE. TRY TO FIND YOU A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN REACH YOU TRASH BAGS WHILE YOU ARE DRIVING BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING TO BE THROWING STUFF AWAY ALL THE TIME. A REAL SIMPLE PLACE TO HOOK THE HOOKS IS TO OPEN YOUR GLOVE BOX AND HOOK THEM ON THE TOP OF THE LID AND THEN CLOSE YOUR GLOVE BOX. THEY HANG THERE REAL NICE AND HANDY. ONCE YOU FIND A PLACE TO HANG THEM, YOU PULL THE FRONT OF THE FIRST ONE HALF WAY DOWN TO OPEN IT UP, AND THEN YOU HAVE TRASH BAG AFTER TRASH BAG. THESE BAGS ARE ALSO GOOD FOR YOUR DIRTY LAUNDRY AFTER YOU SHOWER.
"STILL JUST HAVING FUN AND TRYING TO HELP THEM OUT".
NEXT THING YOU NEED IS CUPS. YOU NEED TO GET PLENTY OF CUPS. HOW YOU GET THESE IS WHEN YOU GO IN THE TRUCK STOP TO GET SOMETHING TO DRINK. AFTER YOU GET YOUR DRINK AND WHAT EVER ELSE YOU ARE GETTING, YOU GO UP AND PAY FOR EVERYTHING. AFTER YOU WALK AWAY, GO BACK OVER TO THE CUPS AND GET YOU A DOZEN OR SO AND PUT YOUR DRINK INSIDE THE TOP ONE OFF THE STACK AND JUST PUT THE STACK UP AGAINST YOUR CHEST BEHIND YOU OTHER STUFF AS YOU WALK OUT. IF YOU DO THIS EVERY OTHER TIME YOU GET YOU SOMETHING TO DRINK FOR AWHILE YOU WILL HAVE A GOOD STACK INSIDE YOUR CLOSET. THESE CUPS COME IN HANDY NO DOUBT. AT NIGHT WHEN YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE REST ROOM YOU ARE NOT ALWAYS GOING TO GET OUT OF THE TRUCK OR BE ABLE TO STAND OUT THERE ON THAT PASSENGER SIDE STEP TO PISS. YOU PEA IN ONE OF THESE CUPS AND THEN JUST POUR IT OUTSIDE. NOW I KNOW THERE ARE SOME DRIVERS THAT ARE GOING TO SAY, "NO YOU DON'T DO THAT'', AND THEN NEXT THING YOU KNOW YOU SEE THEM PISSIN' OUTSIDE, BESIDE THEIR TRUCK. WELL WHATS THE DIFFERENCE? DON'T KID YOURSELF, EVERY DRIVER DOES IT. THERE ARE A LOT OF DRIVERS THAT EVEN PISS IN "ZIP LOCK BAGS" AND THEN JUST THROW THE BAG OUT ON THE GROUND. NOW THAT IS WRONG, BECAUSE SOMEONE HAS GOT TO PICK THAT BAG UP. AT LEAST IF YOU JUST POUR IT OUT YOU CAN PUT THE CUP IN ONE OF YOUR T-SHIRT TRASH BAGS AND WHEN IT RAINS MOTHER NATURE WILL CLEAN THE PARKING LOT.
"STILL JUST TRYING TO HELP OUT".
NEXT THING YOU NEED TO DO IS KEEP YOU A SMALL STACK OF CUPS UNDER YOUR DRIVERS SEAT OR SOMEWHERE CLOSE WITHIN REACH. THERE IS GOING TO BE A TIME WHEN YOU ARE RUNNING HARD, MAYBE UP A HARD PULL, OR MAYBE WITH A GOOD FRONT DOOR AND YOU ARE NOT GOING TO WANT TO STOP TO PISS. THATS WHEN YOU SET YOUR "CRUISE CONTROL" AND GRAB YOU A CUP AND TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS GOING DOWN THE ROAD. NOW WHEN YOU ARE DONE YOU HAVE TO MOVE OVER IN THE HAMMER LANE TO THROW YOUR CUP OUT THE WINDOW IN THE MEDIAN. BUT, FIRST YOU HAVE TO REACH DOWN TO YOUR NAPKIN BAG TO GRAB SOME NAPKINS TO STUFF IN THE TOP OF THE CUP OR WHEN YOU GO TO THROW IT OUT THE WINDOW YOU WILL GET THE PISS ALL OVER YOUR MIRROR AND THE SIDE OF YOUR SLEEPER.
ALL THE SUDDEN THIS KID SAYS;
"WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU HAVE TO POOP''?
"REMEMBER I'M JUST HAVING FUN AND TRYING TO HELP OUT A LITTLE BIT".
I SAID;
"WELL, THAT'S EASY"!
"ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GRAB YOU A COUPLE OF YOUR T-SHIRT BAGS AND DOUBLE THEM UP". SET YOUR CRUISE CONTROL. SLIDE YOUR ASS BETWEEN THE SEATS TO WHERE YOU ARE STILL SITTING OFF THE EDGE OF YOUR DRIVERS SEAT. THOSE T-SHIRT BAGS FIT RIGHT AROUND YOUR ASS. YOU PLACE THE LEFT SIDE OF THE BAG UNDER YOUR LEFT HIP ( BETWEEN YOUR HIP AND THE SEAT ) AND HOLD THE OTHER SIDE UP WITH YOUR RIGHT HAND WHILE YOU USE YOUR LEFT HAND TO STEER THE TRUCK.
"I NOW HAVE THESE GUYS LAUGHING AND CRACKIN' UP BUT",
I DID NOT KNOW THAT THERE WAS THIS WOMAN AND THE INSTRUCTOR SITTING JUST ON THE OTHER SIDE OF ONE OF THOSE PARTITISANS THAT DIVIDED THE ROOM. THEY WERE SITTING THERE AND HAD BEEN LISTENING TO ME THE WHOLE TIME. THEY CAME WALKING AROUND THAT PARTITION AND SAID "THATS ENOUGH CARLISLE". THEY TOOK ME OUT IN THE HALL AND THEY CALLED THE OFFICE AND AFTER ABOUT 10 MINUTES THEY SENT ME TO THE YARD, GAVE ME A TRUCK AND TRAILER, AND SENT ME TO DETROIT.
DIDN'T EVEN GET TO FINISH ORIENTATION.
I NEVER DID MENTION THE NAME OF THE COMPANY THIS HAPPENED WITH BUT,
"HERES A LITTLE HINT"!
DO YOU ALL KNOW WHO "JOHN GOTTIE" WAS? HE WAS A BIG "MAFIA BOSS'' FROM NEW YORK YEARS AGO.
THEY CALLED HIM "THE DON" MEANING "TEFLON DON" BECAUSE THE GOVERNMENT HAD SUCH A HARD TIME CHARGING HIM WITH A CRIME AND MAKING IT STICK. THAT ONLY LASTED THOUGH UNTIL HIS RIGHT HAND MAN "SAMMY THE BULL" TURNED ON "GOTTIE" AND SOLD HIM OUT. THAT IS HOW "GOTTIE" FINALLY GOT SENT TO PRISON WHERE HE LATER DIED OF CANCER.
HIS RIGHT HAND MAN "SAMMY THE BULL" WAS PUT UNDER THE GOVERNMENTS "PROTECTIVE WITNESS PROGRAM" AND RELOCATED OUT WEST AROUND THE PHOENIX AREA WHERE HE GOT INVOLVED IN MANY THINGS. I HEARD THAT HE EVEN STARTED HIS OWN SMALL TRUCKING COMPANY AND I ALWAYS WONDERED IF HE CALLED IT,
"SELL-AH-DON"!
AND THATS THE NAME OF THAT TUNE!
"HAVE A NICE DAY DRIVERS"!
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